The Beauty Pageant
by AmIObsessed
Summary: When there's nothing left to steal, is entering a beauty pageant the best thing that Shifty and Lifty can do? One shot xD


A light green haired boy was sitting on a bench outside a candy store, enjoying his lollipop. Nutty's eyes were shut as he savored the sugariness of it and made contented sounds, squirming around in his seat excitedly. "Mm! Oh mm ah!" On his ninth lick, the deliciousness that was the candy didn't meet with his tongue.

Shocked, he opened his eyes and screamed bloody murder, because in the hand that had once held the lollipop, was nothing but air. "AHHH! NO NO NO! SOMEONE STOLE MY LOLLIPOP! HELP! HELP ME!"

Two pairs of identically mischievous green eyes stared at the freaking out sugar addicted boy in amusement. They were hiding behind in an alleyway a dozen yards from him, one of them holding the missing lollipop in his hand.

Lifty, to be accurate, was the one who had committed the far too easy crime of snatching Nutty's candy, it was like taking candy from a baby. No, even easier than that. Like taking candy from an oblivious sugar hyped idiot. He snickered and took a small lick from it while recalling how he had just needed to run past him and take it from his hands. His eyes had already been shut, making it that much easier.

"What an idiot," he said and gave the lollipop to his older brother.

Shifty snickered before frowning at the pitiful object they had stolen. "Yeah he is. Hey, have you noticed how none of these losers don't have anymore good stuff for us to steal?"

The younger twin was quiet as he thought of what his brother had just pointed out. It was true, the last two weeks they had raked in nothing but useless junk that couldn't be sold for a high price. A half broken toaster from Lumpy, an old pair of '90s disco shoes from DB, and Cub's propeller hat was all that they had thought was worth anything. If this kept up, they would have to start stealing from riskier places, like that idiot hero's or even the deranged veteran's place.

"I've noticed too," Lifty said, a bored tone layering his real anxious one. Not only had the things they stole become useless, but the security at the bank had been bumped up. The last time that they had gone to rob it, they had been caught and accidently killed by some new policeman. With no money coming in, their apartment was starting to get a little rundown and even funky smelling.

Standing up from his squatting position, Shifty frowned and threw aside the lollipop so it landed in a puddle. His eyes followed it as it splashed the dirtied water under something that stood out against the weathered brick walls. "Hm?" He went over to whatever it was and ripped it from the alley wall to get a good look at it.

It was a flier that looked to be only a few weeks old and printed in gaudy girl colors. In bold hot pink letters, it read, 'Beauty Pageant! Strut Your Stuff and Prove That You're the Best!' Printed in smaller lettering under it was where the date, the place, and the prize money—wait, prize money!?

Shifty, much more invested now, read that the prize money was a thousand dollars for whichever lady came in first place. He grinned as the gears in his head started turning; he was getting an idea.

"Oi, Lifty, come here and read this," he said.

Lifty took the flier from him and read it, stopping and snorting at the amount of money they were giving the winner. "Just for being pretty they get a thousand bucks? How lame!" He handed it back and asked, "And why'd you have to show me that?"

"Because, imbecile, we're going to enter it."

"And how are we gonna do that, stupid?" To Lifty, that was one of the most idiotic things that had ever left his twin's mouth, and there had been a lot of things. "We don't know any girls who would enter that for us."

Shifty stopped and turned to him, a sly smile fixed on his face. "Oh we don't know any girls, but I'm sure that my sister wouldn't mind entering."

The younger gave him a blank look as he said, "We have a sister?"

xXx

Handy, Flippy, Cuddles, and Mr. Pickles were sitting in the front row of the audience, waiting for their girlfriends to come out on stage and the competition to officially start. Shifty slid into a seat besides Cuddles and hoped that they hadn't turned in their entrance form too late.

The murmuring quieted down as the lights in the room grew dimmer and a man in a tuxedo came out with a card in his left hand and a mic in his right.

"Hello there," he started off, "We would like to thank all of you for coming out to witness our fifteenth annual beauty pageant! This year there are a dozen beautiful ladies just praying to come in first and take the grand prize of one thousand dollars!"

Shifty moved around in his seat, the thought of a thousand dollars in his hands making him antsy.

"And without further ado, here are the lovely women themselves!" He read off the names as each female walked out with their practiced waves. "Here's Giggles, a girl who loves shopping and wishes that one day her boyfriend will commit to her!"

Handy bumped Cuddles with his shoulder and sent him a sideways grin; Cuddles just sunk down in his seat embarrassed.

"And walking out now is the beautiful Petunia, her hobbies include running her flower shop and teaching the children at the orphanage about good hygiene! Next is our own sweetheart, Flaky! Timid and withdrawn at times, but don't good things come in small packages? And then there's the stunning Lammy! Fleece hat and sweater just bring out her gorgeous facial features and personality, a friend to all!" The three boys and pickle were cheering loudly for them while Shifty waited.

He called off about seven more girls before saying, "Alright folks, and there again are our captivating beaut—Huh?"

A woman with a headset ran onstage, handed him another notecard, and ran back out.

"Oh? It seems that another lady has joined us tonight! Give it up for . . . Liftina?"

The curtain was pushed aside as a . . . girl . . . dressed in a vulgar maid's outfit stepped out and, lacking all grace that the other girls had, stomped around on the stage with a forced smile and a flimsy wave. The entire room was silent as everyone was staring at the strange "girl" who looked a lot like a man . . .—

"Yeah!" All four of the boys, including Mr. Pickles, leaned out of their chairs to send a 'WTF' expression to Shifty, the only one who had yelled out anything and even raised his fists up in a supporting way.

The announcer gawked a little before laughing to ease the tension and loosening his bow tie, "Okay then! Since all of our . . . ladies have joined us, let's get this pageant started!"

xXx

By the end of the pageant, Shifty was confident that Lifty was going to take first place. From having the best skill, being able to lift a bench with half the girls sitting on it, to pulling off the bikini in the swim suit competition, he had done well in everything! He even answered the "What do you want to do to help the world question?" correctly!

_ "Um," Lifty looked at his brother for help, but getting none. He was a thief, he didn't want to help the world! Then the answer struck him, and it sounded perfect. In his best feel bad voice, he held his hands to his chest and said, "What I want to do to help the world is go to the rainforest with the endangered pandas and build a facility that takes in bald orphans and we'll work together to end world hunger and cure all known diseases!"_

_ "For the children!" Shifty hissed._

_ "For the children!" Lifty added as he dramatically smiled and bowed. _

Yes, that couldn't have gone better. Feeling satisfied, Shifty sat back in his seat as the contestants stood on the platform in their poses, Lifty awkwardly jutting out one hip and holding his arm out so his hand was by his ear.

"Well! Wasn't that a show!" The announcer laughed before getting serious. "Now, this is a single voting round, and whoever gets the most votes wins the title of Miss Tree Town for the year! Go ahead and cast your votes in."

Shifty picked up the small electronic device shaped as a box and pressed the button where the name "Liftina" appeared next to. He set it down and waited until the man started talking again five minutes later.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a winner, folks!" He took the envelope from the same girl as before and waited, the tenseness in the air building up. "Now, for the moment you've been waiting for. Who will be the winner out of all these ladies? Will it be Giggles? Maybe Petunia? Perhaps Fla—"

"Just read the damn name!" The boys, once again, looked at Shifty who had stood up and yelled at him.

The announcer cleared his throat, "Yes, okay. The winner is . . ." He read it and smiled, "Our very own Lammy!"

The crowd broke out clapping as the stage was lit up, music starting up in the background, and flower petals dropping from the ceiling. Lammy was given a tiara and a bouquet of roses as the girls crowded around her, offering congratulations. Everyone seemed pretty happy . . . that is except Shifty.

His eye twitched as he screamed out, silencing the room, "WHAT!? HOW DID SHE WIN?! ANYONE ELSE WOULD HAVE MADE A PERFECT CHOICE BESIDES HER! AND WHEN I SAY ANYONE, I MEAN LIFTINA!" Shifty regained his cool before flicking his wrist as Lifty. "Let's get out of here, don't forget the money."

Lifty smirked before pushing Lammy aside, grabbing the giant check they were handing her, and hopping off the stage—but not before he stole her crown and put it on his head, "I can't believe I won! Thanks for voting for me!"

The twins ran out while the angry mob behind yelled at them to come back. An especially furious Mr. Pickles took out his knife and pointed it at them. They climbed into their van and sped out of the parking lot, crashing into a car or two in their hasty escape.

Lifty took off the crown and grinned, "That went well."

"Yeah it did," Shifty grinned back, "and I can't wait to sign you up for next year's."

* * *

**XD I have no freaking idea why I was so compelled to write this. I got the idea from a picture on Zerochan! The picture isn't mine, but I hoped you enjoyed this little brotherly one shot starring your favorite twins!**


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